DIZZY - GOO GOO DOLLS

For Philosophy will not save you from a parking ticket
-Four Eyes

--

I wrote a fairly long post, it seems that it didn't go through. Maybe the content was too "odd."

Well it seems that it is not fated to reveal it thus I shall not repeat myself. And it's also because I am lazy.

Okay, I am currently on my 2 week holiday. Yes, I am gloating Sean. But don't fret, it's filled with so many things.

Monday - Thursday: Working at Alexander Club from 9am - 5 pm as a chef.
Friday: Pied Pipers Good Friday Appeal from 9am - 2pm.
Saturday/Sunday: Bob Stewart uniforms + Dobson's + Queen Victoria Market from 10am - ..pm.

That's it so far. I have a lot of homework which I want to finish by the 11th of April so I can sleep in for the rest of the week. I promised myself that I will do Math for at least half an hour a day till I reach the point where I am supposed to be at in class. Yes, I must I must (increase my bust).

--

We did terribly for Madrigal. It's not even funny. I'm not going to mention it. I'm very disappointed.

You're cynical and beautiful,
you always make a scene.
You're monochrome delirious,
you're nothing that you seem.
I'm drowning in your vanity,
your laugh is a disease,
You know you're everything I need,
Rae

Goth?

HAHAHAHAAHAHHAA I think this NeoPrint is priceless.

BACK TO REALITY

OH MAN. SCHOOL IS COMING. ONE MORE DAY. OH NO OH NO OH NO. TEN MORE WEEKS TILL THE NEXT HOLIDAY!!!!! Sigh. I haven't finished my homework. And I haven't studied for my two tests. I'm sooooo dead. Samaria, how's your homework coming along? I bet Rae's laughing her head off reading this post. She has a two week holiday coming very soon. ARGH!!! Let's skype tomorrow!!! Let Sunday be our official skype day! Haha. Maybe at around 3pm SG time.

I just hope school will be as good as the first term. The first term was fun. But we're gonna have much less holidays this term. SIGH. I need to go to school with a good and hardworking attitude. I don't wanna fail my IGCSE!!! I MUST NOT. My 2 sisters and cousins got 11, 10, 8, and 10 points for their Os. If I get 12 and above, I'll totally break the record. I can't. I already broke the record for PSLE when I failed it. Gotta study hard! Samaria, let's aim for 6 points!!! woohoo!!! We're smart and we can do it!!! Hahahaha. Need to do my homework now. SO MUCH TO DO. bye.

Ryan Sean

ANSWERS

to rae and samaria:

Well, I obviously live for God, and God alone. And the word 'god' can get quite sickening when bad things happen eg. deaths, family problems, relationships... Espcially as a Christian. We sing about the greatness of God in church, we read the Bible about how God is so good, about how He is so powerful. Then... WHERE WAS GOD WHEN THAT GIRL IN THE NEWS WAS BEING RAPED?! WHERE IS GOD WHEN SAMARIA'S FAMILY IS BREAKING APART?! WHERE WAS GOD WHEN RAE JUST NEEDED TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE CARED?! What happened to the God I've been singing about? What happened to the God who promised peace and joy?

But I can still say that God is good. It's just like this. Althought there's a God that is good, there's a devil that is bad. And bad things do happen to good people. THat's coz we live in a broken down world, full of sin and imperfection. And bad things is not the work of God, but of the devil. It's not that God caused all these to happen. We humans are the ones who sin and give in to the devil's temptations. It's true that it's not our fault that many bad things happen to us. God knows that, and He didn't leave us to suffer. God came down to the earth as a man, Jesus, so that He could relate to us personally. He knows what it feels like when we go through temptations and trials, because He went through them as a man. God is good. He doesn't enjoy himself in heaven while we're suffering down here, but He tries to help us. He loves each and everyone of us so much. He died for us so that we can be reconciled back to Him after being seperated from Him by sin. He didn't just create us for fun, but He gave us a purpose to live, whether it's to become a singer who'll touch lives with music, or a businessman who'll provide for the poor, each of us are created for something special. God is our Father, and He treasures the relationship He has with us, his children. He's a perfect Father, and loves us to death. He doesn't let bad things have the last say. Although things may be rough in life, but God promised that He'd make things better. And unless we understand how much He loves and and how much He wants to help us, we'll never let God do the work in our life.

Just last week, an american pastor came to my church to preach. His story and teachings changed my outlook on life and God, totally. He was sexually violated by a step-FATHER, his alchholic mom died when he was a child, and his real father sent him away after his mom's death. Because of this kind of upbringing, he grew up unnutured and insecure, not knowing how to love. Then he discovered homosexuality, and became one because he felt like he was supposed to be one and felt accepted by them. However, he gave homosexuality when he found God, because he found true love and acceptance. He didn't have to go to bed to find love anymore. He mentioned that Christians like to say 'come to God and He'll work it out', but having our sins and past forgiven wouldn't cause the bad and hurtful memories to go away. It takes lots of time to get over it. And God doesn't make us just try to bury our past and our feelings and move on instantly, but He knows that we also have issuses we have to deal with, and helps us. He mentioned also that it isn't like ' I am bad, God is mad'. God looks beyond our sin and see why we sin instead of what we did wrong. He also said that people don't doubt the existance of God, but they doubt the character of God. And if God allows such bad things to happen, who would wanna believe in Him? The thing is that, God doesn't let tragedy have the last say. He is the one who changes bad situations back to good.

I know that I don't experience as many family problems and financial problems as the both of you do, but it's just because God has turned life around for my parents who chose to trust in Him which is why I have such a good life. My mom's dad died when she was a teen, and had to take care of 3 younger siblings while her mom was at work. She didn't get along well with her siblings. My dad used to be rich as a child, but his dad gambled away all their money and was always out gambling, when the family at home had so little that they had to worry if they had enough money to buy food. Being the oldest, my dad had to take care of 7-8 younger siblings when his mom was at work. Both my parents had hard lives because of family and financial problems. It was hard for them to actually imagine family life with much joy because of what they'd gone through. But they both found God at a point of time in their lives and trusted that he would create a new and joyful family life for them when they got married. And I am just blessed to be part of God's work for my parents.

I'm not trying to promote Christianity. Christianity isn't even a religion to me, performing rituals or attending religious ceremonies (going to church) in case God gets angry with me and gives me bad luck or whatever. It's about knowing a God who cares and loves me, my family, and my friends. It's about knowing a God who's real, and who has revealed himself to me.To me, God isn't a theory or a fantasy to study and read about anymore. He's a God to experience and to serve. Jesus didn't just die on the cross just so that we could go to heaven when we die. He died and resurrected so that we could have hope in this horrible, meaningless life. He shows us that he has the power to resurrect our financial situation, our family life, our dreams. A hope from our heavenly father that things don't always have to be meaningless and yet hard. Life could mean so much more. And being a good friend of both of you, I just wanna share with you this love, hope and joy that I've found and can experience in this lifetime. I don't have to wait to go to heaven to experience it.

Ryan Sean

Title: Into The Ocean
Artist: Blue October
Album: Foiled

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like fourteen miles away

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye), end it all (goodbye)

I Am Scared Of Living.

It's the March holidays and I'm nowhere near relaxing. It's been classes almost everyday and my week is completely exhausted. Maybe I'm just not managing my time well.

I've been thinking a lot about him and it really just gets me down. It should have been somewhat non-existent now. I've got so many reasons to be happy with my singlehood, yet so many reasons to be bitter and regret about it.

I'm not using time productively. But I still get rather tired from each and everyday without having done anything much. Greatness.

Have you ever thought about your reason for living? Like, what you're here for and who or what you're living for? I have, and I didn't find an answer to it. It makes me really wonder what I'm here for.
I've thought about religion, thinking that maybe having a religion sort of gives you a reason to live. For example, Sean is living for God. His God, his Jesus, his saviour or whatever. He has a reason to live. I don't know about Rae, I hope she'll answer this though.
I have nothing, and no one to live for.
Having a religion might get me some answers but I'm not too keen on suddenly having a faith, and one only to find my reason to live too. Seems bogus.

I hope this has no offense on anyone!

Okay, so this week I had and will be having:

• Monday - Post 49 days prayer for my grandfather/Social Studies extra class/Choir camp day 1/shopping with my sister
  
• Tuesday - Biology extra class/Choir camp day 2
  
• Wednesday - Mathematics extra class/Chemistry extra class
  
• Thursday - Mathematics extra class

It seems indifferent from having school. (In red are those I actually attended and in grey are those which haven't occurred)
These are holiday homework assignments:

• Physics revision schedule; questions from TYS
• Chinese worksheets; a thick stapled stack
• Chinese 'gong(?) he tian kong' workbook; unit 1-6
• E Mathematics revision questions; from TYS

That's about it I guess. I have to do serious filing work too because they principal and vice wants to check our files and books. Ugh, stupid.

My stuff are all over the place and so messy! Can't stand it. shall pack up things nicely too.

Speaking of shopping with my sister, boy, can my sister shop lah. She is like some impulsive shopper when she has money to spend and she only occasionally worries about her bank balance. Actually, she does worry about it quite often, but not often enough to make the impression that she really is worried. all in all, she bought a lot of stuff.

I gained weight. I really have gotten fat. Just yesterday, I wore simply a tee and some tight-fitting jeans (in picture above). I came back home and my sister saw me in her jeans (we share clothes) and she looked aghast. As in really horrified. She ended up blurting out, "Do I wear the jeans the same way as Jia?" I felt slightly insecure by that comment and asked, "Why?"

"Because you look so.. fat in it!"

WAHLAO I SWEAR I WANTED TO DIE.

But it is true lah. I have become meatier, pudgy and un-toned. Have to start some exercise regime. I'm not able to diet because I refuse to and it disrupts my metabolic rate so exercise is the only way out I guess. But I will snack less too.

Being a girl, or human for that matter, isn't easy.

I remember squeezing into those jeans too (in picture above), which I never ever had to try that hard to. I am petrified.

I have this strange feeling that I am destined to remain the same pudgy girl for the rest of my life.

I also have this strange but very surreal feeling that I will not be able to get in VJC (its aggregate is 6 points). And my sister made SAJC sound very.. loser-ish.

I am afraid of living and growing old. I don't ever want to face problems/troubles with finance or with my ideal career search.Okay, to break things into a lighter note, I saw this really cute guy yesterday while June and I were studying at Wheelock Place's Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. He was studying too, and he made the girl he was studying with seem so dumb (and she's not) when he taught her A Math! I was awed. He is not only cute, but smart. And his concentration skills are amazing. And he is quite nice too! Just from appearance. But you know how easily I'm swayed.

TUESDAY

I'm soooo exhausted right now. I had dance for four hours today. It was so... sucky. It's the worst dance session ever. I was so blur and slow and got scolded so much. But oh well, I learnt A LOT and that's what matters.

I just watched the prestige just now. Such a good movie! I like to watch HEROES but it's too slow moving. Interesting, but boring after awhile. I was watching an episode on the net just now. But when I realised that the end of the story wouldn't come even on the last episode, I gave up totally. It's just like watching LOST. You just watch it to know what happens at the end but the end never comes. So it's not nice to watch. Shows like OC and 24 are fine without an ending. 24 is SO fast moving, and the OC is just a brainless bimbo show which is watched to stare at hot people (and so is laguna beach and one tree hill).

Rae, Samaria, how're the two of you? When are you free to conference? I'm free on wednesday and friday in the afternoon. Let's skype soon.

I have SO MUCH homework and tests to study for, it's so crazy.

Haha. I have nothing to write about anymore. My holiday is pretty boring but I'm GLAD that there's no school. I'M LOVING IT.

Ryan Sean

Letters Or A Postcard

I met up with Sean on Friday. And it was so hot and sunny, we were practically melting!! Damn hot lah! Nonetheless, I finally collected the stuff from Rae. The shoes fit perfectly! But the top.. I really don't know what I'm going to do about it. Maybe taking a third look at it will prove to be better.

We went our separate ways after that and I made my way home, only to discover to be locked out. I waited about 25 minutes before my aunties came back. I showered, got ready and left the house for steamboat/BBQ at Marina Bay.

It was quite okay, but definitely not value for money. $12 for buffet style BBQ thingy. But in a really smokey and non-air-conditioned place. Had a good time. The guys cooked for us girls as we brought all the meat for them to fry about the horrible oil-splattering pan. But not bad lah!
We played pool after that (good thing I didn't pay, waste of money) and took photos and blah blah blah.
I reached home all sticky and smoked, only to receive attitude from my sister.
Whatever beaver. My sister and my second brother have been annoying me like siao and I seriously couldn't care less if they went out smoking, taking drugs, committing arson or murder. I just hate hate hate seeing some stupid f-ed up face with the person showing me some ass attitude. Run away from home if you hate being in this family so much lah okay.

RAWR>>>

Went to Malaysia um, yesterday and got my spectacles done! I really have to take good care of them now to avoid another trip to the optician. Getting a bit monotonous.

Okay, hectic March Holiday week ahead.

Bummer.

Samaria

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Oh man... I just missed it. It's 12.14am now... Just 15 mins ago, it was still the 8th of march, and it was Rachel's (hot) and Mon's birthday. So, I just wanna say:


HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY TO RACHEL,
and HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY TO MON!!!:D


Ryan Sean

1 more day

JUST ONE MORE DAY OF BORING LESSONS, THEN IT'S THE END OF SCHOOL!!!! Yippe! For a week at least. Tomorrow is the last day of torturous lessons. We're gonna have sports day on friday, so it'll be a half day. I just got off the phone with Rae just now, after like a 2 -3 minute conversation. It was quite lame... My skype ran out of credit that I got for free and the call just randomly ended. Hahaha. Rae, we'll talk tomorrow. Try and get Samaria. Oh man. School's getting really really dreary and boring. I hope the petition to cut our EXTREMLY LONG SCHOOL HOURS will be a success. Tabbi, thank you so much for your help. Sigh I'm just really bored and I've got lots of chem and chinese homeowork to do and I don't really wanna do it but I really have to if not my teachers will kill me so i better go now.

Ryan Sean

SICK

nicole mah and i

Bleah. THe performance at the Orchard Hotel was so.... crappy. THe mics were really lousy and no one could hear us singing. Hahaha. I didn't go to school today. Felt sick. Still feeling sick. GOT LOTS OF HOMEWORK TO DO. Specifically:

• English assignment


• Econs project


• Chinese exam practice paper


• Bio practical

sIGH. All due by tomorrow. Well, it's my fault I left all this work till now. It was given quite a while ago. Well, I gotta run if I wanna finsh all this work. BYeeee!!

Ryan Sean

You're In My Heart, Always

I was about decide on shaving my head for $500 when Rae said she'll pay me, and possibly ask Sean to chip in too. Then she said that it was for charity, and I skipped the whole idea. Heh, but I really would have if she paid me $500 to shave all my hair off!

I'm not really bothered with school now so I'm leaving those updates alone. But, I shall update you, and myslf, about the homework I have for this weekend, which I am left with only half a day of.

• Social Studies essay Q
• Chinese test (of which I got 19/50) corrections
  
• Chinese composition
• E math revision test worksheet practice

Those in red are the outstanding ones. Okay, I have 2 tests on Monday too. The whole week is filled with tests. My entire March holiday week is also booked up with extra classes and most definitely, Choir practice, which I dread most.

Leeyen says our Choirs will be holding an exchange program at her school during the March holidays! As much as I do wanna see her again, I have classes that day and I would most probably try my best to escape practice. But I promised that I would try my best to go.

Sean's weekly schedule seems rather filled and tiring too. Rae's is quite the empty but she wants to make it full, which makes me wonder why and how she has all the spare time in her hands!

Okay, I will try to update here as much as possible from now onwards.
I have to go shower and get ready to leave for my grandparents' place. My mum just came back from her trip to the States and I hear she has gotten many stuff for us!!!!!

Samaria

checklist

I'm slowly getting used to my black hair. I think it makes me stand out more than the other people. I might always dye my hair black(:

I signed up for Chinese class yesterday. I'm doing Chinese VCE unit 1 &2(: And I also signed up for Piano lessons.
Things to find:
Kick boxing
Circus
Tennis
Violin
Drums
Spanish

Rae

CINDERELLA - BRITNEY SPEARS

I wake up every morning thinking that it might be my last,

I've taken a big leap and went back to basic. I've got my hair dyed back to its original colour - black. Except that in the sun it's dark Indigo (says louise) and I think it's Green-ish Blue! The hairdresser said that most black dyes were blue based and she made it less blue for me because it was already very dark. I am around 5 shades darker than the average Asian. I am extremely uncomfortable with it because I have not had black hair for a really long time, and I still feel most comfortable with purple. I'm never going to bleach it again (unless I really have to). No pictures yet, but I should have some up by next week!

I have another 8 more episodes to finish the entire collection of Will &Grace! :D I am so excited! I know what's going to happen, but to see it would be so much better! Britney Spears' is also going to be on soon!! Yay! I love her! Well I don't like what she's doing now, but I believe that she would one day be saved and go back to "Oops I did it again!"

For chorus I want to be a Rocker over a Mod! I want to wear my skinny Grey jeans and thigh high leather books! xD It would be awesome! Haha I could be a better Rocker than Mod!! With all my ROCK ON signs and sticking my tongue out! Whee I can't wait!!

I'm thinking of getting my second cartilage piercing:D I think that it would look so good having 2! I might get it with Anh, Xinyu and Louise. Maybe, just maybe.

I forgot what I wanted to say. So I'm just going to end this entry like this. I need to get back to watching Will &Grace!

I don't believe in fairy tales,
Here we are with nothing but honesty,
Rae